My story of discovery and my unfavorable opinion

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I met him through a friend, and immediately, I could feel the tension. Sexual tension. I was in love, or so I thought at my young, vibrant age of 18. This was a real man.

As a virgin, I felt ready. Or perhaps it was the hormones talking, but I was prepared to lose it.

My mom had prepared me quite well and warned me that it was a very emotional act. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but when it happened, I knew she was right. It felt weird and not enjoyable. It was big, and I was tense…


What the universe has to say about you

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The other day was a nightmare. My fridge broke, all my laundry detergent spilled on my groceries, my computer crashed, and my laundry reservation wasn’t respected. While you may not know what the last item means, you can assume it was laughable at this point in the day.

You know when so many bad things happen that it feels like a comedy? Like a man in a funny suit with a camera, will appear out of your closet and tell you, this is all a joke.

I was hoping that anything would explain my trash luck.

I’ve heard two theories…


Why being comfortable terrified me

Growing up, I lived in the same little white house for 18 years. I never hated it. I didn’t mind coming home to it after all my late-night high school shenanigans. I got in trouble in it, I had happy moments in it, and I had a family that loved me.

When I was forced to move out because of college, it was a clean transition. I was excited to get my life started in the adult world. I had a single room in a suite in the freshman dorms. I brought only my bare necessities, my laptop, clothes, and…


And what they mean to me

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I remember her salt and peppered hair always perfectly done. She did not like to smile with her teeth because someone once told her it was ugly. But she wasn’t ugly, she was beautiful. And I miss her every day. She had a soft way about her, but also some darkness that I could never ask about. She would call in the middle of the day just to check in on me, and see if I had any new boyfriends. Oh yes, boyfriends.


And the “lovely” things I forgot about the outside world

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My friends and I decided to go to a bar this weekend. And although this seems like a fairly common thing to say, it has never felt more foreign. It has been over a year since I spent the night basking in other people’s sweat, saliva, and body odor. This meant hours jumping up and down in a mostly vaccinated environment filled with pure joy.

But here are a few things I had to re-learn.

The Bar is Not a Place I Want to Meet Men

I’m not sure if this was always this obvious, and I just missed it. But it seems that I had to relearn this, this weekend…


After years of natural products with promises, I finally gave up

So there I was, somewhere in rural Mexico, rubbing tallow all over my body to keep my skin hydrated from all of the hours I was spending in the sun. For those of you that are unaware of what tallow is, it’s beef fat. It’s creamy, slippery, and hydrating as fuck. But also slightly suffocating and you better hope that there aren’t any wild dogs nearby, because you might become lunch!

This was the middle of my adventures in natural products. I no longer used lotion, or store-bought shampoo, or wore makeup. I was convinced that the best way to…


And does it just fill the crack in our heart?

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It feels like a dream now. It’s been months since we last spoke in the way that made my heart flutter. Now I can’t even remember what his face looks like. I used to dream about him every night. Every morning I would wake up, angry. Angry at the way I chose to handle things and angry at him for finally taking a stand against my antics. Truthfully, I didn’t know what I wanted and neither did he. We always talked about the future but it never produced anything. We…


Before you call me a homewrecker, hear me out…

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I didn’t start it and I’m not sure how it happened, but I somehow ended up with dick pics in my inbox.

I always flirted with him but never thought anything of it. Our friendship has ebbed and flowed with the ages. But lately, he seems to always contact me when it’s nighttime, he’s drunk, and his girlfriend is nowhere to be found.

Now I let this behavior go for a while, continuing to fend off his advances and I just knew that replying to him at the ridiculous hours of…


I spent a relationship thinking I was broken

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The room was sweaty and humid. The bunk bed squeaked every time I would rollover. In a room full of other women travelers, my mind wandered at the possibility of reconnecting. My mind bounced me in and out of dreams and fantasies. He kept coming to mind. We weren’t doing anything naughty but rather sitting across from each other and talking. The dreams were long and elaborate but I wasn’t sure what to make of them.

Do I send him a message?

What would I say?

Would my boyfriend mind?

I had originally met him during my formative high school…


How misaligned sex drives can drive a wedge between people

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Three times a day? Yes, please.

I am beyond thankful to my first boyfriend for showing me the sex drive I have is completely normal. Once, twice, three times before we dozed off at night? A nightly occurrence that I quite enjoyed. I took it for granted and when we broke up, my disappointment levels skyrocketed from the many men that followed.

I thought it was me.

They would fall asleep two seconds after peaking. I would roll over to check when round two was, only to hear the faint ins and outs of their breath on the pillow. …

Brigitte

Flowers, coffee, && stories about womanhood. redhoneyxo@gmail.com

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